The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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