Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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