I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
