Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
