very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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