Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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