the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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