She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
