He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
