i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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