My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
