just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize