Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
