Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
