dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I bet he comes in French.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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