also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
