if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She's like a pop up book from hell.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
