just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
