He uses pillows to masturbate.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize