i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
