Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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