She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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