2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
