I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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