he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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