i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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