He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
