peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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