Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I believe in your delicious
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
