Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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