Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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