Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
