if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
