And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
