I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
