I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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