I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
