I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
