you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
