i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
