i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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