She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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