Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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