So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
