I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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