I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
