he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
