are you still at the devil's house?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
