I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
