you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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