can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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