Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
