I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
