my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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