The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
