the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
