The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
