these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
