i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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