I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
