i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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