I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It's just like the Real World with babies
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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