I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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