When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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