call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
