You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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