Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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