He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
