im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
two words...techno handjob
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
